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I’ve worked with some of the people writing the quality

5 Inexplicable Hollywood Mysteries

buy canada goose jacket I’ve figured out the meaning of life: everything is bullsht, everybody is full of sht, and nobody gives a sht. What you thought there was more to it? Nope. That’s it. Sorry about the profanity. buy canada goose jacket

canada goose uk black friday But what really intrigues me are the mysteries of Hollywood. Oh, I know you’ve seen these types of columns before. You think you already know the truth behind movies’ urban legends. And, yes, what looks like a guy hanging himself in the Three Men and A Baby background is just the shadow of a prop. (The prop being Steve Guttenburg’s later career choices.) And The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is not really “based on a true story.” Yeah, somewhere a psychopath killed a few people. http://www.canadagoosejacketoutlett.com But that’s a pretty thin connection. That’s like saying Transformers is based on a true story because my Jeep Cherokee Canada Goose Outlet turned out to be a piece of crap. Oh, and Walt Disney’s head isn’t really being kept cryogenically frozen. which I thought would be explained in more detail in Disney’s Frozen. which, as it turns out, was not what the film was about. (It’s about young women making bad relationship decisions.) canada goose uk black friday

Nope. I believe there are even greater, more inexplicable questions surrounding the world of entertainment. These enigmas have never been answered to my satisfaction. Actually, they’ve never been asked to my satisfaction. Nevertheless, I’m legitimately curious. No joke. He’s a great actor with a unique style, his movies for the most part are solid entertainment, and by all accounts he is a nice person. He is never in trouble with the law. He doesn’t get annoyingly political. nightclubs with groupies (I’m talking to you, Joe Biden.) But I know so many people who just can’t stand him. Read the Internet comments underneath any article about Tom Cruise. There are some angry, harsh, unforgiving words. They’re like my comments when people post Facebook pics from their family vacations.

canada goose uk outlet Is it just because he’s a Scientologist? Why should I care if he’s into Scientology? So what if it’s a crazy religion. Do you know what else is a crazy religion? Religion. canada goose uk outlet

canada goose coats on sale Yeah, like your religion is the “logical” one. canada goose coats on sale

Canada Goose Online Look, I don’t know much about being a Scientologist. But how bad can it be? I like science and I like getting the gist of things. And whatever the practice entails, it has obviously worked out well for Cruise. He’s a famous, wealthy movie star. Some of the most successful people in Hollywood are Scientologists. What has your religion ever done for you? Heck, I’d be willing to give Scientology a try. I mean, if they’d agree to read my screenplay. Canada Goose Online

canada goose black friday sale People are still complaining that Tom Cruise jumped up and down on the couch on the Oprah show. the guest list at the MTV Music Awards afterparty), there are worse things one could do than jump on the couch and profess your love for a woman. canada goose black friday sale

Canada Goose Parka And people were so agitated when Tom Cruise said that psychiatry is a big scam. News flash it is. If you break your leg, and after three years of medical treatment, your leg is still broken, wouldn’t you start to question the doctor’s competence? Meanwhile, suckers are still going to the same psychiatrist for years, without any results. Canada Goose Parka

Canada Goose Outlet Okay, but even if you’re “pro psychiatry”, is Cruise’s opposing viewpoint enough to prompt a boycott of his films? That’s a little petty on your part, don’t you think? How does your mailman feel about psychoanalysis? You don’t know? You don’t care? canada goose coats on sale Will you boycott your mail? No? Then give Tom Cruise a break. And go back and watch Minority Report. It’s really good. They both became stars on Friends. canada goose clearance Their acting talent is about the same. They’re both equally pretty and likeable. But as soon as Friends went off the air in fact, even before that Jennifer Aniston was starring in major film studio releases. Granted, these were usually dopey romantic comedies. And she’s given pretty one dimensional roles. But, canadian goose jacket well, that is not canada goose such buy canada goose jacket a mystery. Meet the men who run Hollywood, a world where most actresses have “stripper with a heart of gold” at least four times on their resume and where it’s not uncommon for wealthy producers to be dating their granddaughters’ sorority sisters. Canada Goose Outlet

canada goose coats I don’t get it. I’m legitimately curious. After the premiere of Friends, Jennifer Aniston was starring in big budget movies with Jim Carrey and Scarlett Johansson. According to the Internet Movie Database, which I’m canada goose outlet looking at right now, during and after Friends, Courteney Cox was in, among others, the following films: Zoom, November, The Runner, The Tripper, Commandments, Get Well Soon. Are these real movies? I’ve never heard of any of these titles. These are like the DVDs they used to leave out in the front bin of Coconuts; they were like $2.99, but the Canada Goose sale sign usually made it clear that if you stole them, the store wouldn’t press charges. canada goose coats

Canada Goose sale Okay, Courteney Cox has done some network television work. But nobody watches TV anymore. Actors want to be in movies. Canada Goose sale

uk canada goose outlet So Canada Goose Parka why is Rachel a movie star, while Monica is not? It’s not like Courteney Cox was given the opportunity to star in a few big budget films that then flopped at the box office. She was never really even given a chance. And Jennifer Aniston isn’t really a big draw, but she is still in big movies. Is it their agents? Did Jennifer Aniston get better career advice? Did it have something to do with focus groups? Was it the Brad Pitt thing? I really don’t know. uk canada goose outlet

The world of acting is a weird thing. Some actors, we’re told, have that movie star quality. Meanwhile, other actors are pigeonholed as “television” actors. Of course, it’s all becoming irrelevant since most of the stuff we watch now is on Netflix. Thor is in the Avengers movies. Cobie Smulders is in the Avengers movies. Where’s Spider Man? He’s a Marvel character, too.

Yes, Comic Book Fanboys, I get it. Please don’t explain the licensing to me. I already understand that Sony owns the rights to Spider Man. Hence, Spider Man is not part of the Marvel cinematic universe. But this is not a law. I can’t work out an arrangement with the bank to rob canada goose deals it. You and I can’t agree to murder you. But legally, Spider Man can fight alongside Captain America. This is not a canada goose clearance sale crime. (The Amazing Spider Man 2, incidentally, was a crime.)

I’ve calculated the numbers. And according to my data, if Spider Man appears in an Avengers movie, the film will make $402,225,624,156,999,208. And that’s not even taking into account the higher ticket price people will pay to see it in 3D.

canada goose uk shop I own the rights to my football. But I’d be willing to let Peyton Manning throw it around every once in while. Wouldn’t that make my football more appealing? I wouldn’t let Eli touch buy canada goose jacket cheap it, though. He’s a whiner. canada goose uk shop

Canada Goose Coats On Sale There are restaurants in Los Angeles, right? Doesn’t Wolfgang Puck have a few pizza canada goose store places in the area? (Side note: Does Wolfgang Puck own the rights to his name? I think it would work well as an X Men character.) How about if some executives from Marvel Studios meet up with some executives from Sony Pictures for a quick lunch? Work out a deal. Sign a few contracts. Throw in a separate storyline where the Hulk gets angry and tries to smash a little human spider. But then Hulk calms down and the two superheroes become friends. And they fight the bad guys together. Marvel will make an extra zillion dollars. Sony will make an extra zillion dollars. And audiences will be very happy. Wouldn’t that be nice? Everybody wins. except for Hawkeye, whose screen time might be reduced with the additional character. I’ve done the calculations. Without Hawkeye, the next Avengers movie will only make $402,225,624,156,999,008. Canada Goose Coats On Sale

canada goose store Oh, hey, if there are any Marvel executives reading this, I have a great idea for a Black Panther origin story script. And if there are any Warner Brothers executives reading this, I have a great idea for the next Man of Steel movie, which is to open the film with an apology for the previous Man of Steel movie. Ugh that was horrible. canada goose store

canada goose So here’s my question. And I’m being totally serious. Yes, they’re not funny. And you feel the awkwardness canada goose coats of the actors having to recite some of the lamer jokes. But at least these shows aren’t horrible to a point where you watch in disbelief, like, for example, anything with Urkel. I have a theory. And they know it. canada goose

But Saved By The Bell and its ilk are a different animal. They’re thinking, “Yeah, this is really good stuff.” Or maybe I’m wrong. I’ve worked with some of the people writing the quality comedies on television. They’ve very funny, talented people. Are they funny in real life? If they had to write a decent joke, could they? And perhaps cheap Canada Goose when they were writing Saved By The Bell, they were simply dumbing down their own talents to create their perception of what the typical brain dead television viewer wants and expects. In a way, it takes talent to write a show like Saved By The Bell. It can’t be easy to write something that awful. Ernest Hemmingway, after all, spent years working on The Old Man and the Sea Canada Goose Jackets.

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